Dragons Part 7

After work, everday, I have to come home and do more research for my next seven publications. Unfortunately, that also means I have to investigate and study a lot of crap and stuff that, in retrospect, I really wish I didn't have to look at. The next few images are some examples of these!


Fig. 1 "Blue-Tiger-Fairy-White-Hair-Starry-Night Dragon" Yeah, because dragons' wings actually look like deep space. You idiot. Notice also the flowing mane of white hair. This may come as a shock, but dragons aren't people. They don't grow hair, they don't watch American Idol and they don't eat Betty Crocker heart-smart microwaveable meals (which are delicious by the way). They don't listen to the Dixie Chicks and they don't talk in British English. They do have an affinity for Virginville, PA though. JK. LOLZ.




Fig. 2 "Untitled; Mostly Because It's not Me Worth Taking the Time to Think of a Title" Okay, so here's what appears to be the scenario: weird hawk-man and cheetah-girl are staring over the cliff getting ready to do something stupid and science-fiction-like, when I notice the dragon behind them whose bluish scaletone, yellow underbelly and suprasternal depiction make me want to laugh. But then I notice the sword that hawk-man is holding, and I think to myself, "Woah, these guys are serious." Whoever drew this needs to stop drawing and just keep playing Magic cards and living in thier parents' basement.




Fig. 3 "Ball-Holding Dragon" What's the obsession with dragons always holding orbs?? I hate this. It's like, just because people are clueless as to what dragons actually look like or how they act they give them random things to hold. Like, "I'm not really sure what dragons did, but I'm pretty sure they held glass orbs in their hands and stuff." Cut me a break! You idiot.






Fig. 4 "Unibrow-Idiot Dragon" Notice that this image is copyrighted. Yeah copyrighted. Who in their right mind would actually want their name associated with this atrocity?? And worse, who would actually want to steal it and use it? As if this drawing could tell us anything about dragons, other than that they have tapeworms on their faces.









Fig. 5 "Baby Dragon Reading a Book" This is cute- for a hideous work of art that is tasteless and gay.







I hope everyone reading this can get an understanding for why I live the majority of my life pissed off and indoors. These drawing are offensive and mildly racist.

Dragons Part 6

This is another special installment on dragons. You know, with all the crap floating like debris in the cesspool of internet junk and crap, it was only a matter of time before terrible renditions and inaccurate pictures of dragons began to surface amidst the flotsam and jetsam. Today, I'm going examine some of these pictures and pretty much tell you why they suck so bad. No one is safe, not today. I'm pissed.



Fig #1: "Jurassic Park Bat-Thing" Look at this, it looks like something you'll see in Jurassic Park 5. Dragons NEVER have three claws, and a wing ligament connecting the hand to the shoulder would make it impossible to ever fully extend in flight. And also, what kind of pose is this? If this is what it looks like when dragons try to run then I hate them.






Fig #2: "Fifth-Grader-Sucky-Terrible-Artist Dragon" This is one of the most effing embarrassing things to happen to the dragon world since Bowser from Super Mario.





Fig #3: "Hieroglyphic Piece of Sh--" Well, it seems not even the Egyptians had a clue about dragons. Even though this carving comes from the tomb of Hatshepsut (1508–1458 BC), it still looks like they crossed Legolas with and anaconda and then threw some wings on it. Doesn't work that way. And then there's that guy on the left wearing a shawl, trying to like stab Legolas-anaconda-angel with a flower or something. Weird.



Fig #4: "Sock Puppet Dragon" Whatever pre-schooler is responsible for this gets a big effing timeout, for eternity.







Fig #5: "Ming Dynasty Flying-Old-Man-Bird-Owl-Thing" Remember how I said no one was safe, I meant it. And not even the Chinese are safe today. This really sucks. I mean, really, this is bad. If I saw this dragon flying in mid-air I would throw up.




So there you have it. This is the tip of the iceberg that floats in the cesspool of internet garbage relating to dragons. Hope it was informative.