Dragons Part 4

Dragons are awesome and incredible. They are also like freaking sweet and crap. I am here to prove it. That's my life's ambition. My dream. It seems like it's other peoples' dream to dream about shattering my dream and then actually going and shattering my dream and being idiots about it and ruin my life in the meantime. Believe it or not, I found another such person doing just that! Hey-o! Congratulations, idiot.

Here's this one's site:

http://www.blackdrago.com/index.html

The website name is "Circle of the Dragon." What is this a cult? I picture the website designer as a middle-aged guy with a black hooded cloak in a room full of creepy candles and skulls. Way to make a good first impression, man.

1. The first brilliant statement I found: "Note that not all dragons have wings, and can still fly." How does this at all make sense? YOU ARE AN IDIOT. Let me just put it out there: dragons are able to fly because they not only have large wings, but they also have four internal gaseous pockets (two near the lungs and two near the diaphragm) that inflates with a hot nitrogenous-helium compound that makes ascent in the air easier. If you're an idiot, just think of a hot air balloon. The mere thought of a snake just flying through mid-air is almost as ridiculous as Rob Pattinson finding work outside of the Twilight series. Good luck with that pal.

2. As I investigated the whole "flying snake" thing, the only evidence I could muster was this brilliant rendition of a "dragon" drawn probably in crayon. I was slightly impressed, until I realized that their drawing was just a ripoff of Pokemon. Watch out for its hyper beam attack, it'll set you back at least 60HP.

3. Oh, get this one. RAINBOW DRAGONS. Yeah, rainbow. So I guess this is supposed to insinuate that dragons are not only on the same playing field as Pokemon, but that they are, also, gay.

4. And then there's this.
Is this supposed to be funny? A dragon at a computer, der dee der. You effing fool. I can tell just by this picture that your entire life is a joke. You have no IDEA how to take dragons seriously and need to just stop.

5. This website is supposedly all about dragons yet they have information on sea serpents. Sea serpents. For the last effing time, sea serpents are NOT dragons. The debate continues, but new evidence based on bone structure, nursing of young and regulation of internal body temperature has led many to classify sea serpents in the amphibia class, unlike dragons, which are members of class reptilia.

Another day, another point proven, and another sucky website that I wasted my time looking at.

Dragons Part 3

I'm pissed. It seems like the more and more I surf the web, the more and more I'm confronted with stupid articles the supposedly share reliable information on dragons. You people who are publishing this crap make me sick. Shut up!

Here's a brilliant example of another website I unfortunately stumbled across:

D.R.A.G.O.N.S.

1. I clicked the little musical box on the front page, expecting to hear like the roar of a dragon or something appropriate to a site dedicated to dragon research, instead I was greeted by a medieval rendition of Greensleeves. I knew immediately this site was probably composed by those losers who hang out a renaissance fairs and wear chain mail and talk about the best way to siege a castle and how hott Richard III was.

2. Apart from its many grammatical errors, it shows a picture of a dragon eating fruit. Fruit. Yeah, that makes sense. You idiot.

3. I almost crapped myself when I saw them describe a "cold/frost breathing" dragon. Have you ever taken biology? When's the last time you saw a reptile in the North Pole? Wait, I have a brilliant idea! Let's make a website and just say whatever we want and make up information and feed it to people in a way that covers the truth and deceives millions of people world-wide. Brilliant.

4. This is really what you call "a late 20th-century dragon???" You juice box.

5. Then I found this wonderful drawing of a dragon on the site. I didn't realize that what constitutes a dragon is an alien head on top of a human body wearing a chastity belt. Sick biceps man.

6. So all in all, another failure of internet nerd-people to deliver proper and useful information about dragons.

On a separate note, Rob Pattinson's new movie came out sometime in the past week. Great accomplishment Rob, we're all proud of you, except me, 'cause i still think you're just a loser with pit stains. Loser.

Dragons Part 2

It's my birthday; hold the applause you idiot. I've decided that, since it's a special day I would blog about something equally special. Did the title give it away? You're an idiot if you haven't guessed by now. It's Dragons.

I recently came across this website during my research for my latest book I'm writing "The Socio-Evolutionary Processes and Purposes of Dragon Culture and Folklore from Post-Gilgamesh Assyria to Neo-Barbaric and Norwegian Europe as seen through Art, Literature and Historic Oral Traditions as Relevant to their Times." Here's the link:

Dragons from around the world
http://library.thinkquest.org/03oct/01993/

1. In my years of research, I've never seen a bigger travesty to the world of dragon information as this. Hey, nice anime picture on the main page. Real professional.

2. I decided to click under the link that says "Ancient Greece" and I was greeted by the website's first brilliant declaration: "The dragons were very mean." Hey thanks, UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE EFFING YEAR. And by the way, what is this? Second grade? Of course dragons are mean, EVERYONE knows that. Here's another understatement: "You suck at describing dragons." Did that get the point across? Shut up!

3. Lochness is not in Spain, nice try.

4. This is the picture they give describing a Spanish dragon.
Hey nice stencil. Really gripping depiction and brutally realistic. If I asked Martha Stewart to draw me a dragon, this is probably what I'd get.

5. Finally, I noticed under the "India" section that the author explicitly describes Indian dragons as "mean and selfish." Oh, okay, so in addition to being just ignorant, you're also, racist. Dragons are NOT mean and selfish, they are beautiful, elegant creatures endowed with powerful predatory features that, yes, force them into fierce opposition to every other creature in the animal kingdom.

So all in all, I want to get the word out there NEVER to use this website; it's clearly not based on reliable material and the pictures are pretty low quality as well.

And then there's Rob Pattinson, who still doesn't know ANYTHING about dragons. You loser.

Dragons

It's been a while since my last blog, this time I've decided to talk about something that I'm deeply passionate about. What is that you ask?

Great question. Answer: Dragons. Deal with it.

It's ridiculous how many people you ask "Are you into dragons?" give you a weird stupid look like you're stupid or weird or something weird like that.

You know what really eggs my nog though? 1. is when people (little kids included) draw pictures of dragons with pointy tails. I mean really? Pointy tails. That's like, almost laughable. Dragons NEVER use their tails to hunt, they rely on deep, inherent predatory skills, stealth, and of course, raw, brute force to engage and overpower their prey. EVERYONE knows tails are only ever used in the defensive shielding of blows (mostly from enemies' claws) and in the incubation of eggs, but NEVER in an offensive manner. The very thought of a dragon using its tail to stab some other animal would be like Sinbad winning an academy award. Re-diculous.

2. Or when Northern European dragons are portrayed with a reddish-scale tone. Unbelievable. EVERYONE knows that they have a grayish-white colouration so as to camouflage themselves particularly in high altitude alpine regions.

Dragons don't look like this you idiot.

3. And then you see RIDICULOUS renditions of dragons in like Harry Potter and Twilight and stupid bothersome movies like that and I'm just like "When are people going to grow up?" Dragons deserve so much more credit than that. Can Rob Pattinson tell you ANYTHING about dragons?
4. No. He's an idiot.

Look, I don't want to come off like a jerk, I just want people to be informed about dragon nature. I wasn't president of the Penn State Altoona Dragon Enthusiasts Society (Est. 1999) for no reason. Listen, I could go on and on and on, but I better just stop now before I get too frustrated with people's ignorance for dragon culture. (*sigh*)